You must be in control of and aware of your thoughts anytime you are interacting with your spouse or loved one.
Your emotions and mood can have a significant impact on the feelings you have towards your significant other.
Although you can think whatever you want without anyone knowing, your feelings come out in how you act and treat someone else.
For example, even when you do not verbally respond negatively to someone, it does not mean that it does not impact other people, including your spouse.
Your emotional health and your thoughts can influence how you interact with others. Additionally, your emotions can negatively impact how you make decisions even when you do not express your true feelings.
What Causes These Problems?
Your subconscious thoughts can influence your conscious thoughts and cause a plethora of problems to your marriage.
Subconscious thoughts can alter your view of your spouse and the interactions that you have with your spouse.
However, it is important to know that negative subconscious thoughts do not have to cause destruction in your marriage. Luckily, much like other emotions and thoughts, negative subconscious thoughts towards your spouse can be dissolved with work.
How do you change negative thoughts into positive thoughts?
Your feelings and emotions can be elusive. However, with patience and understanding, you can learn to be more aware of your thoughts and work to change your thought patterns into positive ones.
Self-awareness is the key to changing the way you think.
There are many ways to become more self-aware, including journaling. Journaling daily for a month can help you notice your thought patterns and the emotional associations of these thought patterns. By learning this, you can better handle how to deal with the emotions associated with certain thought patterns.
At the top of each page of your journal make the following three headings- Event, Thought and Emotion.
When you find yourself upset, write down what occurred. For example, you asked your spouse to take out the trash and he didn’t do it. Next, write down any circumstances you were experiencing at the time of the event. For example, if your workload was higher than normal, write it down. Finally, write down any emotions that affected your thoughts. For example, you became hostile, angry, sad or depressed.
After a week of honest journaling, you can begin to study how different events and thoughts affect your emotions.
Why Should You Jornal?
Journaling is one of the easiest ways to see the entire day at a glance. Rather than just remembering your spouse upset you, you will be able to see what contributed to the emotions you are experiencing. Additionally, writing out your feelings is a great stress reliever. This coupled with the knowledge that journaling offers make it a great choice for those who trying to learn to control their emotions, thought patterns and actions.
The Next Step
After you have journaled for a full week, it is time to begin evaluating your thoughts and emotions that you are feeling towards your spouse. The following questions can help you put everything into perspective.
1. List the most common emotions you experienced throughout the week. Is there any reason why you felt these emotions ?
2. What could have been done to make you week better?
3. How many times did a hassle, delay or misfortune affect your feelings? Of these times, how many were indirectly or directly associated with your significant other, and why?
Is the cause of your strong emotions logical or based on extenuating circumstances that your spouse had no control over ?
Would someone else make these associations towards your significant other if they were in your shoes? Would a stranger think this way based on the same cause and effect?
Which thoughts can be used to help repair your relationship? Which thoughts are causing harm to your relationship? How can you use the information to come up with better solutions for your current problems?
Evaluating your feelings and circumstances can be uncomfortable; therefore, you may need to work at it at your own pace.
It is important to note that you cannot skip this important phase because it allows you to determine how your train of thought is affecting you and your spouse’s relationship.
When evaluating your circumstances, you need to be completely honest with yourself and learn to no longer rely on your old way of thinking any longer. You must determine new ways to communicate and relate to your spouse if you want to breathe new life into your relationship.