Do you want to learn how to “reprogram” you thinking to get rid of your destructive thoughts and improve your relationship with your spouse?
In the last article, we learned how to retrace the steps in your mind when you are dealing with different types of situations involving your significant other. This can be accomplished by regularly journaling the events, outside influences and your emotions.
One week of journaling reveals thought patterns that often occur when you are feeling frustrated, stressed, lonely or angry.
Can you really learn to control your emotions?
Emotions are powerful and can influence every aspect of your life. This is why you must make a conscious effort to become self-aware of the thought patterns and emotions associated with your life during stressful times.
If you allow your emotions to rule , it will be difficult to maintain a peaceful relationship with your spouse.
Your emotions are based on perceptions and interpretations of events you are experiencing. The emotions experienced can vary greatly from person to person because each individual has a unique set of metal filters that are used when interpreting an event.
In certain instances, these mental filters can prevent someone from accomplishing positive goals, such as re-establishing a line of communication with their alienated spouse.
Solving these issues
These filters can be transformed much like other metal creations. However,before you can begin to change these filters, you must understand them and how you can transform them to produce a harmonious marriage. Below is a list of destructive mental filters that are detrimental to your marriage.
1. Tunnel Vision
Tunnel vision creates a narrow and limited version of your actual reality.
Many people who have tunnel vision focus solely on the negative experiences they have with their spouse and only see the negative traits in their spouse. Additionally, these same people only associate positive things with anything outside of their relationship. The following statements are associated with tunnel vision.
“I can no longer depend on my spouse, she is only concerned with herself.” (A husband with tunnel vision will have forgotten all the times his wife was dependable and only focuses on the times when she did not give the response or support he expected or wanted.)
“He never has time for me and the children. All he cares about is his job.” (A wife forgets about everything the husband has done to help develop and maintain their relationship.)
2. Toxic Assumptions
A person who always thinks their significant other has a secret motive or reason for saying or doing something is suffering from toxic assumptions.
For example, a husband may think that his wife has spent too much time or money when she is extra attentive to him. He thinks that she is doing this to distract him from knowing that she has done this.
When, in reality, the wife is paying more attention to her husband because she notices that he is tired and overwhelmed from work. With this type of thinking, the true intentions are disregarded and negative assumptions of a malicious nature are favored.
3. Illogical intensification
This happens when someone makes a situation appear far worse than it actually is. This type of behavior has two separate and distinct patterns. The first pattern occurs when one member of the relationship exaggerates how the other person’s behavior negatively affects them. For instance, a wife may say that their vacation was ruined and was a waste of money after she gets into an argument with her spouse. The wife focuses only on the negative things without considering the positive things.
When illogical intensification happens, she may fail to realize that the argument happened at the end of the vacation and the couple had experienced several days of fun and relaxation together. The second pattern creates future catastrophic scenarios from thin air.
For example, a husband may yell at the wife and tell her that because she bought new curtains they are going to end up bankrupt and homeless. This type of reaction occurs when he feels the wife should not make purchases without his permission because he makes more money than she does.
4. Negative Categories
Placing negative categories on your significant other is one of the most harmful things that can happen in a marriage. Considering someone selfish or insane not only negatively impacts your spouse’s behavior but also his entire identity. Because of this, it is essential that you avoid negatively categorizing your spouse’s actions with their overall personality and worth.