How can you have a better relation with your spouse and dissolve antagonistic communication strategies?
It can be difficult to have a happy and peaceful marriage if you and your spouse are not aware of the negative methods you use to communicate with each other.
Most couples who turn to antagonistic methods of communication do so because they do not know how to handle conflicts in a proper manner (this is why you need to negotiate instead of arguing).
Using antagonistic strategies in your communication can really hurt a marriage. In fact, a relationship can become very toxic and unbearable if these methods are used on a regular basis.
If you feel that your relationship might be becoming toxic, you need to act quickly before the damage sets in and become permanent.
There is always hope for your marriage as long as you are committed to making changes!
How can you fix the damages your relationship has sustained?
You need to start by recognizing the negative communication strategies you and your spouse use and learn to stop relying on these techniques.
If you use antagonistic strategies when you communicate with your spouse, your marriage will fail because it is not possible ot have a healthy and fulfilling relationship if you use these techniques.
It is hard to recognize these strategies and change the way you communicate but no one said marriage was going to be easy.
What defines modern marriages?
I would like to say that even though marriage can be difficult and challenging, a marriage is never something that should be hurtful for the spouses. Modern marriage is about sharing love, taking care of each other and supporting each other. Marriage should never be about control, manipulation and using any mean necessary to get what you want.
What can you do to save your marriage?
If you agree with the definition of the modern marriage and want to make some changes to improve your marriage, you need to know about the aversive techniques I have seen while counseling troubled couples over the years.
Keep ind mind that there are many different adverisve techniques and that your specific situation is going to be different from what I am writing about.
However, you need to focus on learning to recognize the negative patterns that exist in your marriage so that you can take action and change them before they weaken the relationship you have with your spouse:
1. The Blame Game. The blame game consists in blaming your spouse whenever they express a need or desire. Here is an example of the technique: Eric is working on a university degree and is having a hard time with some of the requirements. He asks his wife for help because he is not confident about his academic writing abilities.
Janie, his wife, would rather not help him write his essays. She says that she told Eric not to sign up for this degree, that he spends too much time studying and worrying about his education. She says that he needs to write his essays himself because she feels she doesn’t have to help him.
How bad is this situation?
Using blame can quickly get out of hand in a relationship. It is easy to get into the habit of blaming the other spouse for every issue that arises or anytime they express a need.
The blame game allows the party that uses this technique to deny that they are responsible for anything and to avoid helping the other party.
2. Saying Demeaning Things To Your Spouse. Demeaning and denigrating your spouse is a direct attack on their self-esteem. Words can be extremely hurtful and it can take years to recover from verbal abuse.
You should never say anything mean to your spouse. You might not realize how negative what you are saying is, but your words are really hurting your spouse and damaging their self-esteem.
Learn to stop yourself from saying anything mean and try looking for something positive to say instead. You might find yourself in a situation that is stressful and seems hopeless but you should always look for something positive to say.
Remember that marriage is about supporting each other and that your spouse depends on you. If you cannot offer emotional and psychological support for your spouse, the least you can do is to avoid chipping at their self-confidence and self-esteem with negative words.
Think about this when you find yourself listening to your spouse complaining about one of the difficulties they are dealing with. You can offer support by simply listening to your spouse talk about their problems, even though you have to hear them complain.