The Past-Present Confusion In Your Marriage

How do you feel when a parataxic distortion is about to occur?

In the last post, we discussed the symptoms of parataxic distortion. You learned that the mind can become confused and have difficulties separating past negative experiences with present situations, which can cause difficulties within your marriage.

When parataxic distortion occurs, you can end up projecting past experiences on your loved ones and feeling angry, anxious or frustrated within your relationship.

Parataxic distortion is not about learning with from the experiences in your past. When your thoughts are distorted, you cannot learn anything. You simply end up harming those you love and yourself.

How to be more aware of when a parataxic distortion is going to take place?

Parataxic distortions are unique to each individual. Some only experience these reactions when they are under a lot of stress and are unable to deal with the things occurring in their life. Others experience parataxic distortions on a regular basis.

The following information can help you determine whether or not you are suffering from parataxic distortion.

a. Overwhelming Negative Emotions

It is normal to feel angry or sad from time to time. However, you should not constantly be experiencing these emotions and have numerous negative emotions when you are trying to communicate with your spouse.

It is almost impossible for your spouse to do something or say something that will trigger all of these emotions at one time. You should recognize this as a warning signal whenever you become overwhelmed with these negative emotions. When this occurs, your subconscious is controlling your emotions.

b. Recognizing Your Feelings

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Another way to recognize parataxic distortion is when you realize that your emotions and your thoughts feel normal, much like your favorite pair of shoes.

If you are in an argument with your significant other over something that has just happened, it is impossible for your emotions to be almost second nature to you.

Familiarity with negative emotions is a clear sign that you are drawing your emotions and energy from something that has happened in the past rather than what is going on in the present.

You should be wary of these emotions. Feeling negative emotions does not mean you are right or your significant other is wrong. It means that you are projecting your past negative experiences on your spouse.

c. Repetitive Patterns in Your Emotions

This occurs when parataxic distortion has become advanced. A sudden flood of negative emotions become almost second nature to you when dealing with your spouse. The occur over and over whenever your spouse does something or says something to trigger these emotions.

The “wrongness or rightness” of what your spouse has done or said is not the issue. The real issue is the emotions that you experience every time something occurs with your spouse. The same emotions begin to manifest regularly in your day to day interactions with your spouse.

If you notice that you are saying things such as “not again,” you are probably experiencing parataxic distortion. This is especially true if you are dealing with a new situation that has never come up before.

d. Psychic Activity

If you begin “reading your spouse’s mind” all the time, you may be experiencing parataxic distortions. If you begin responding the same way every time your spouse speaks or acts, it is a good indication that you are experiencing this issue.

Why? When you make assumptions about your mate without using or considering any details, you are possible basing your assumptions on experiences from the past rather than what is occurring in the present.

Before you assume you know what your mate is doing, saying or thinking, you should ask yourself the following questions to help determine if you are experiencing parataxic distortion.

1. Does the evidence show that my assumptions are correct?

2. Am I basing my assumptions on what is happening in the moment or on the entire picture of what is happening?

3. What has my mate done or said to support my current emotions, thought patterns and conclusions?

4. What did my significant other actually do or say compared to what I though he or she was doing or saying? Are these similar to one another or quite different?

e. Irrational Fears

If you are always afraid that your spouse is doing something that can harm you, you are suffering from irrational fear. This is another telltale sign that you are suffering from distorted emotions and thoughts. These distortions can negatively impact how you deal with others in your life.

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