Dynamic fits of anger and rage can drive a ponderous gap between people, it is especially damaging as it affects the way people interact during especially conflictive times.
Anger in its most essential form is desperately seeking to unleash itself outwardly in whichever way possible. It is not a reflection of your character that you have these common feelings.
But, if you allow yourself to become subject to your anger and permit yourself to harm or threaten your spouse, family or anyone else out of anger then you are most certainly responsible for the damage such a jaunt can cause.
How can you safely release the anger you feel especially to your spouse?
Anger just like all other feelings and emotions can be expressed and vented properly. As half of the marriage, you can consider yourself 100% responsible for the situations that can arise from letting your anger get out of hand.
Do not ever assume that just because you are all hot and bothered you are allowed to treat others poorly. This may be the case for tidal waves and hurricanes, but you are an intelligent individual; not a natural disaster.
Remember that you are always in control of your actions and words even if you are furious.
Unless you have a psychological disturbance or mental condition, there is no valid excuse that a person can’t be in control of their anger.
Do not fall for the misconception that just because you’re angry, you’re entitled to treat others poorly. You’re not a hurricane or storm; anger is not a natural disaster.
Always remember that you can always control your words and actions even in your angriest state of mind.
Unless you have some form of psychological disturbance or psychiatric mental health condition, there’s no valid reason not to be able to control one’s anger.
Despite the countless ways that very angry people tend to make allowances for their outbreaks, there is no valid reason and these are all excuses for misbehavior and a lack of willingness to control it.
Following are some ways that you can interface with your anger productively and peaceably.
1. Strategize and Work with Rewards not Punishment
The angry person sees undesirable behavior and seeks to dish out punishments, this is the ”easy” way of handling anger.
Teenaged son took off in the car without finishing the lawn? Grounded till Graduation! Wife managed to wipe out the weekly budget and is oblivious to your spending advice? Lower the boom and make her miserable!
But is this really the most effective way of getting results from your family? Punishment, as we are seeing in society, is actually a poor way to motivate people. This is because it creates a very negative state of mind and this is counterproductive to making any form of progress.
So instead of going ballistic when you son returns with a dent in the car, try thinking of a way to reward them for desirable behavior. If you feel their failure to comply with the most basic requests hardly merits a reward but does need some kind of action, reduce privileges but downplay the “punishment” and focus on the interaction — the communication of a desirable outcome for all!
It is very important to reinforce the need for discipline but also remind them that you are also there to bring in the reward wagons when mutual goals are met through great behavior. If your spouse can’t seem to stay within a budget, don’t get mad — get creative!
Negotiate a plan in which he/she will monitor their spending habits more closely and you will free up time on your weekend to do special stuff for them — visit Mom, wash the dog, whatever.
There are many countless ways to cultivate a positive change in your spouse and family without the need of thugs and whips — it just takes a creative mind!
2. If you Want it done Right
There will be times that despite your creativity, story telling skills or interpretive dance moves your spouse or the people around you may be completely oblivious to the issue you are describing. Sometimes the reason for this blindness is remnants of older belief systems and these can be very difficult to address.
So, what do you do if your spouse seems to be ignoring you?
Does this give merit an angry response? Anger is a possible response, so long as you don’t hurt anyone you can be angry as long as you want, it won’t change much, though. It might be a better idea to come up with a solution that you can instigate alone, such as deciding not to allow this particular idiosyncrasies to annoy you.
There will be little motivation for response, if your spouse is not affected by your actions. If it is not a matter of life and death, you will find that you can act on the matter without being irresponsible or insensitive.
3. Seek Help and Appreciation from the Right Places
In a perfect world, your spouse will be able to adequately and enthusiastically support your endeavors no matter if you plan on baking the world’s largest souffle or knitting a sweater.
The reality of marriage is more like this. People have their own limitations and they have very personal interests and that’s what makes people interesting. It is quite likely that your interests may it be “interesting” to your spouse and vice versa — but it is still possible to have a functioning loving and respectful relationship.
If you are not satisfied by the support your spouse is giving you, then it is possible you are looking for support from the wrong person.
This might be a good time to move beyond your comfort zones and find support from people who have the same passions and goals as you do. When you make these connections you will soon find that you have been stressing about something that could have been easily remedied long ago.